The Importance of Being Angry
Jan 17, 4:03 pm

One thing I feel reviewers just don’t explore or gauge in a game is, “How much does it make you sit up and shout at the television?”

Dead or Alive 4 for the 360 arrived in the post on Friday, and it’s about bloody time.  I’ve been waiting for a good fighting game to sink my teeth into ever since I missed the boat on Guilty Gear XX, and the big hitters such as Soul Calibur or Tekken are just too high-maintenance for me.  The thing I like about the DOA series is that it’s pleasantly contradictory.  On one hand, DOA4 wants you to take it seriously - a character’s move list often tops one hundred, combos are demonic, and the speed is comparable to that of the Street Fighter series.  However, on the other hand, DOA always has, and always will be, about women in skimpy costumes jumping up and down.  A lot.  And it’s unashamed, unflinching admittance that nobody can remember more than two of the male character’s names earns it my respect.

But the difficulty setting - dear God, the difficult setting.  Half an hour of cursing and threatening to hurl the controller across the room forced me to wander onto the options menu, only to be greeted by the lovely choice of

• Normal (default)
• Hard
• Very Hard

Team Ninja makes me cry.

Another game that has you demanding your television bow down and commit suicide before you, simply to appease your inner rage is Buzz!, a music trivia quiz on the Playstation 2, which also got a run this weekend.  I’m ashamed to say that The Very Best of Now Dance album I got for Christmas put me in good stead for many of the questions, and I got to be the token Goth Girl character, who went ”Wheyyyyyyyyyy” in a rather dead-pan voice - perfectly translatable over the medium of text, obviously.

AND I AM PROUD TO SAY I FAILED ON *ALL* OF THE QUESTIONS RELATING TO GARY BARLOW.

Though if we’re talking the king of shouty-television games, it undoubtedly has to be one of my all-time favourites - the marvellous, the magical - Bishi Bashi Special.

Now if you’re drawing a blank, don’t be afraid.  You might have seen Bishi Bashi, a collection of crazy Japanese mini-games, in the arcades, but it also graced the Playstation 1 back in the day. 

However, the most important thing to remember is, Bishi Bashi Special is INSANE.  Think Wario Ware, with a dash of Brian Blessed, a sprinkle of a two-player option, and ever-increasing brain damage. 

Think screeeaaaaaming at your television because your character’s afro is not expanding quickly enough, not assembling burgers swiftly enough, not racing, dancing, fishing, cake-throwing, ear-popping, BASH THE DAMN BUTTONS HARDER, YOU IDIOT speedily enough.  Think sitting back and gazing down at your claw-like hands because you’ve just managed to damage every single muscle from your elbow downwards.

These games may seem to have little in common with each other, but these games keep the third-party controller business alive.  These games mean your anger-management therapist stays in the green, so he can keep taking those mini-cruises to Hawaii. 

And trust me, you don’t want to get in a room with me and Frogger.

Love and healthy, natural, violent urges,

Jam.